Cold, Broken and Heartless

It’s a new year. Most of the material will be new since we’ll have moved on from global history and onto American history, which I am better at. I’m taking chiller classes than this year, so I hope to not completely fail on my ass like I did this year and hopefully do some good for my gpa.

I still have to figure out what I want to do for college and the rest of my life and shit, but I’ll figure that out when I get there.

It’s a new school year, hopefully I can forget about him(1) completely and go completely back to the way it was before, where I didn’t care if he was in the room or not.

Next year also marks the beginning (hopefully) of the year of getting fucked up. All the kids in the grade above me will be able to drive, so hopefully on the weekends I can be screwing shit up instead of sitting at home alone with no friends. I’m way to fucking innocent for high school. There needs to be a little black on the fucking bright white canvas I call my innocence.

So yeah. Here’s to me hopefully not failing my finals and to next year being fucking fantastic.

I’ve always wanted an older brother. Originally I wanted him to be 2 to 3 years older than me so he would be in school with me for a few years, but I have a friend who’s older brother is only a year older than her and it works for her.

I want an older brother to be there for me. To protect me, to be able to scare away all the bullies, to have girls swoon over him and become my friend just to get close to him, to give me advice about school and life, to save all his work from the school year so that he could give it to me when I got assigned the same things, so that I would be raised in a household with a boy and I could be one of those bamf girls who knew how to throw a football and how to curve a soccer ball.

I mean, I wish I had an older sibling, but only for the purpose of having someone other than my annoying ass mom to drive me places.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I wasn’t the oldest in the family. 

So after he broke up with me, he still needed a date for junior prom.

He asked one of his close friends, and she said no because she didn’t want to go with him and knew some one she did want to go with was going to ask her eventually. Rejection #1.

He asked the gorgeous girl that I made a post about. But she only wanted to go as friends and he went around school telling everybody that they were going as more than friends. So she deprommed him. Rejection #2.

Then he asked another gorgeous girl who can sing, gets tan so fucking easily, has the nicest hair and is a sophomore. She said yes. But after a while, he realized that she was only going to him just to go to jprom. So he deprommed her. This is him being rejected, even though technically he deprommed the girl. Rejection #3.

Then he asked another sophomore, probably thinking that any sophomore would want to go to jprom, because quite frankly, it was the month of prom, time was running out and he was getting desperate. But this girl just plain out said no because she didn’t really like him. Rejection #4.

So he ended up taking the girl from rejection #3 (tan, can sing, really nice hair, not to mention the nicest teeth…) But he knew she was only going with him for the sake of getting to jprom since she was a sophomore. She even had a different date for the after prom. 

I don’t know. This makes me feel better.

He’s running for vice president of the school government and he had to come in before school to put up his posters today. I was walking with my friend that is good friends with him(1) and he sees her and walks over to the two of us and says “What’s up bitches?” Notices bitches is in the plural form. It was just me and my friend, so bitches was referring to the both of us.

Then he completely ignored me. He gave my friend one of his election buttons and then proceeds to talk to just her.

Yeah, okay. Nice try. Fuck you.

Please shut the fuck up. I am a good child. I usually do what I’m told. And when I don’t it’s because you’ve pissed me off to the extend that I want to fuck your life up by doing stupid shit.

And on another note, FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP. You sound retarded when you talk for too long.

Kay. Thanks. Bye.

I know it was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT AND I HATE BEING IN PUBLIC WITH YOU (MOST OF THE TIME).

Thank you,

Your Daughter

So she fell asleep on my floor on Friday and I think that’s when her period started. AND SHE GOT PERIOD ON MY CARPET.

THERE’S A PINK STAIN RIGHT WHERE SHE WAS SLEEPING.

And the funny thing is she just came in to get something and she was like “Ew, what’s wrong with your floor? There’s a pink stain on the carpet.”

MOTHERFUCKER. YOU HAD YOUR PEIROD ON MY CARPET. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

• All the fucking hipster pictures on Tumblr of the deathly hallows symbol
• Emma Watson
• The lime green thing I tie around my wrist as a bracelet from the guard uniforms
• World Cup 2014
• The upcoming jprom (Friday, May 18th)
• Seeing him in school most days
• Seeing her in school most days
• Someone Like You by Adele
• Entropy
• 5th wheeling
• Every time someone tells me that I won’t do badly in euro
• and even though I hate to admit it, The Lion King

He asked me to prom October 29th. The next day, after I had IMed him that I would go out with him when he texted me asking if I would be his girlfriend, we decided that for our purposes, October 29th would be when we started going out.

December 28th was when he broke up with me. At a text that was recieved by my phone at 9:46 pm.

And It kinda sucks that the days just happen to be back to back. I mean, I don’t really focus on the 29th any more even though my new cliche motto in life is “never regret something that once made you smile.” I shouldn’t be remembering the 28th, but the 29th. It was the happier time, but I guess because they’re back to back and the 28th happens to come first, I kinda just hang on to the depressing aspect and let it cling to me until after the 29th.

Whatever. It’s been like 4315341543 months (I honestly am too lazy to count them right now) and nothing’s happened even though I tried to fix things.

I guess my appeal wore away after he realized that I’m a psycho maniac. 

I’m never going to sign onto ichat without being invisible, I’m going to keep my facebook deactivated and I’m not going to go anywhere on the weekends. Basically, I’m going to be me before I got a little bit social.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Let’s see if anybody actually cares.

I’m currently 121.5. 

Before I left for Disney during February break, I was around 117 or 116 on a good day. After all the shit I ate at Disney I was around 119, 120 for a while and then the day of my birthday party I was 117/118, I forgot what. Now every time I weigh myself I’m never under 121. 

I’M FUCKING FAT. I NEED TO STOP EATING. I TOLD MYSELF AFTER EASTER I WOULD HAVE A WEEK TO EAT ALL THE FRIED FOOD AND DRINK ALL THE SODA I WANTED. MY EASTER WAS APRIL 15TH. IT’S MORE THAN A WEEK, BUT TODAY I ATE SO MUCH SHIT. GOD DAMMIT.

I need more self control or I’m going to become a fucking fat tard. :’(